The Order of Precedence in Boardinghouse Fires

Mark Twain was no stranger to priorities. In his Unfinished Burlesque of Books on Etiquette, he presents a list of things to be saved in boardinghouse fires. The first things to be saved by any gentleman are, of course, young ladies. "Partiality, in the matter of rescue," he writes, is "to be shown to:
1. Fiancées.
2. Persons toward whom the operator feels a tender sentiment, but has not yet declared himself.
3. Sisters.
4. Stepsisters.
5. Nieces.
6. First cousins.
7. Cripples.
8. Second cousins.
9. Invalids.
10. Young-lady relations by marriage.
11. Third cousins, and young-lady friends of the family.
12. The Unclassified.

"Parties belonging to these twelve divisions should be saved in the order in which they are named.

"The operator must keep himself utterly calm, and his line of procedure constantly in mind; otherwise the confusion around him will be almost sure to betray him into very embarrassing breaches of etiquette. Where there is much smoke, it is often quite difficult to distinguish between new Relatives by Marriage and Unclassified young ladies; wherefore it is provided that if the operator, in cases of this sort, shall rescue a No. 12 when he should have rescued a No. 10, it is not requisite that he carry No. 12 back again, but that he leave her where she is without remark, and go and fetch out No. 10. An apology to No. 10 is not imperative; still, it is good form to offer it."

Later on, Twain gives the remainder of the list of things to be rescued from fires:
13. Babies.
14. Children under 10 years of age.
15. Young widows.
16. Young married females.
17. Elderly married ditto.
18. Elderly widows.
19. Clergymen.
20. Boarders in general.
21. Female domestics.
22. Male ditto.
23. Landlady.
24. Landlord.
25. Firemen.
26. Furniture.
27. Mothers-in-law.

De Civitate

The Bible, one will note, begins in a garden and ends in a city. This seems to imply some sort of progression from rural to urban life, a progression which I am not sure is real progress at all. Let me explain.

My travails started when I agreed, most agreeably, to drive some friends to Union Station in Chicago, the train ride from South Bend being inconveniently timed for a transfer to the train to Milwaukee (their home). I had not anticipated that this would necessitate my driving into the very heart of downtown Chicago (and on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, no less: the very time when, it seems, the totality of the citizenry of the Windy City departs, by car, for greener climes). Suffice it to say that the experience was not pleasant: what is normally a four-hour drive from South Bend to home became a seven-hour ordeal. The more I visit the city, the more I am convinced that I hate it beyond reason. This is mainly due, I suppose, to traffic, which provokes in me a most powerful misanthropy.

Does city life have any redeemable qualities? Surely it must; surely something must counterbalance the infernal drudgery of commuting. Or is it only for money that people work in such an environment? If this is so, then I cannot understand people, in general, at all. It is far better to live in a bare cell in heaven than a McMansion in hell.

Those Mid-May Blues

These past few days in May, for some reason, have provoked a certain nostalgia in me, for reasons I can't quite rationalize. (Well, yes, granted: nostalgia generally isn't to be rationalized. But here even the cause of the nostalgia is a mystery. Perhaps it's the weather?) I find myself looking back on my salad days—fully behind me, I assume—with a certain wistfulness. Why? Certainly not because I was happier; indeed, I was far more morose, if not melancholisch, back in high school. I suppose it's the callowness that I miss. I was less aware, then, of how many problems there are out there in the world.

Dear, if I feel such nostalgia at the age of twenty-three, what shall I do at forty-three? How many more realities can I face before becoming either irreparably cynical or inescapably escapist?

Psalm, er, 151

Our psalmody professor (whom Notre Dame recently lured away from Princeton) has a sense of humor, it seems. One of our examples on the final exam today was some Anglican chant (click the image for a better view). "Heed not the prayers of those other Protestants; for their prayers are silly ones." Indeed. Of course, it's much more funny if you happen to know what Anglican chant is supposta sound like.

Olivier Messiaen

Eighteen years ago today Olivier Messiaen died (or, if you prefer, 'went to his reward'). His example as a church musician cannot be easily overstated. There was some talk of making him our patron saint here at the Notre Dame MSM Program; I certainly would support the idea. Here's some idea of his work for organ (played by the inestimable Marie-Claire Alain):

And then, a wondrous setting of "O Sacrum Convivium":

Washington Irving, or, Irving Washington

The vicissitudes of my schedule this semester are such that I have very little to do on Fridays. (Indeed, Friday is my Sabbath, of sorts, as that whole church-music career thing precludes worklessness on Sundays.) This is the day, then, when I have time to try and remember what it's like to be a real human being, instead of a grad student: I can prepare myself actual meals, make my bed properly, indulge my peripatetic nature in walks 'round South Bend, &c. I also attempt to do some reading. Today, while my lunch was cooking, I finally began my volume of Washington Irving stories. (Lunch, incidentally, was a success: pierogies and haddock. The pierogies have a funny way of inflating in the oven, and Charity, Paul says, is not puffed-up; ergo, Charity is not a pierogi.)

There's a reason Washington Irving was so immensely popular: he's a fine writer, with an admirable sense of humor.

[Rip Van Winkle] was, moreover, a kind neighbor, and an obedient, hen-pecked husband. Indeed, to the latter circumstance might be owing that meekness of spirit which gained him such universal popularity; for those men are most apt to be obsequious and conciliating abroad, who are under the discipline of shrews at home. Their tempers, doubtless, are rendered pliant and malleable in the fiery furnace of domestic tribulation; and a curtain-lecture is worth all the sermons in the world for teaching the virtues of patience and long-suffering. A termagant wife may, therefore, in some respects, be considered a tolerable blessing; and if so, Rip Van Winkle was thrice blessed.

The modern reader, I suppose, is struck by the vocabulary level, especially considering that Irving's education was negligible. (Save for some law training, his formal education was complete by the age of sixteen.) How many college freshmen today can comprehend, let alone write, such prose? Sigh. Well, at least we have television! Take that, literate forebears!

Regarding Lawn Ornaments

Upon several months of observation, I have concluded that lawn ornaments in Michiana tend to fall into one of several categories:

• Animal: deer, rabbits, and those ubiquitous geese (often dressed up).
• Religious (primarily Catholic): angels, Francis with his birds, Mary.
• Unimaginative: rocks, sometimes with the family name or a Notre Dame logo.

While the habitats of these different groups rarely overlap, there are occasional instances where one can spy both rocks and concrete deer, or a smartly-dressed goose sharing a yard with the Virgin Mother of God. Kitsch, it seems, is inherently democratic: it is the great leveler.

Someday, when I am a home-owner (and thus, probably, more conservative, a good deal more in debt, and more likely to shout at children to get off my lawn), I think I might get one of those geese. (I have a high opinion of the Theotokos, mind you, but I have no desire to display her in my yard.)

Oyez, Oyez, Oyez!

See that, there? That is an advertisement, of sorts, for an upcoming musical event of great import. (Isn't that font great? I got it here, in case you were wondering. Typography is one of those things that people simply don't appreciate enough, if you ask me.) You may click the image to view it in fuller splendour.

I post this partly as a reminder, and partly as an excuse: if'n I won't be a-postin' as frequently as usual, it's because I have this-a-here recital to be practicin' fer.

Easter, George Herbert

Rise heart; thy Lord is risen.  Sing his praise
                                                  Without delayes,
Who takes thee by the hand, that thou likewise
                                                  With him mayst rise:
That, as his death calcined thee to dust,
His life may make thee gold, and much more, just.

Awake, my lute, and struggle for thy part
                                                  With all thy art.
The crosse taught all wood to resound his name,
                                                  Who bore the same.
His stretched sinews taught all strings, what key
Is best to celebrate this most high day.

Consort both heart and lute, and twist a song
                                                  Pleasant and long:
Or, since all musick is but three parts vied
                                                  And multiplied,
O let thy blessed Spirit bear a part,
And make up our defects with his sweet art.

I got me flowers to strew thy way;
I got me boughs off many a tree:
But thou wast up by break of day,
And brought’st thy sweets along with thee.

The Sunne arising in the East,
Though he give light, & th’ East perfume;
If they should offer to contest
With thy arising, they presume.

Can there be any day but this,
Though many sunnes to shine endeavour?
We count three hundred, but we misse:
There is but one, and that one ever.

Quid est Veritas?

Of all the actors in the Good Friday story, I've always felt a certain kinship with Pilate. (And this is not—only—because I've been playing a lot of Caesar II, which, incidentally, is quite a solid game.) Alone among the characters in the Passion narrative, it is Pilate who most closely approximates the modern man. He is a reluctant bureaucrat, loath to involve himself in some petty squabble of the Jews he was sent by Rome to rule. It is only when the crowds question his loyalty to Caesar that he finally relents and allows Christ to be crucified. Religiously speaking, Pilate has no horse in this race; at least, he's not aware of one. He questions the Nazarene about his purported kingship, and hears his reply:

³⁷You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.

But Pilate, the Modern, will have none of it: "what is truth?", he asks. What, indeed, can this provincial Jew, some carpenter's son, have to offer a man whose vision of the world has no absolutes, save self-interest?

Pilate is a compelling character not because he is a particularly good or wicked man—though I like to think of him as a secular but virtuous type, like Marcus Aurelius—but because he is the closest thing to a dispassionate spectator in the whole saga. Christ, the "bleeding stinking mad shadow of Jesus", then as now, inspires great love, or great revulsion, but Pilate is unmoved.